It begins... gradually

So. I went through all my clothes and found the stuff that made me feel uncomfortable in some way: stuff where I had to suck in mah belleh, or couldn't lift my arms too high, or couldn't dance in because it would rip (this has happened. Never lindy hop in a skirt that's too tight to let you spread your legs when you swivel.).

Now, this constitutes about a third of my wardrobe:

Also, that's my cat. He doesn't make me feel like I need to suck it in.

I am proud to say that all of my clothes are either gifts or second-hand: found at thrift stores, donated as hand me downs... I actually got my favorite, sexiest dress in the trash in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I put it on (after washing it, of course) and someone said, "That dress looks like it was made specifically for you." So in terms of monetary value, let's say that each piece cost me $7, which makes up for the more expensive stuff ($85-- gift) and thrift store purchases ($3 on average). I counted these items:

32 shirts
8 pairs of pants/ shorts
11 skirts
15 dresses
2 pairs of shoes
68 items of clothing x $7 = $476 worth of clothes.

And that is a third -- a third -- of what I own.

Yes sir, not wrapped up in appearances. Totally comfortable with myself. And when I want to look really pretty, I put on something that makes me feel not-quite-pretty-enough and make myself uncomfortable all night long, physically and psychologically. Sometimes there is strange underwear (anyone reading this wear Spanx?), stockings with control tops, double-sided tape, bras that lie about my size, safety pins, underwear that is DESIGNED to ride up....

Looking at all these shirts and dresses and jeans, it astounds me that I own almost $500 worth of clothes that make me feel bad about myself. Every time I wear this stuff a little voice says, "If you were a little thinner you wouldn't have to suck it in. OTHER girls don't have to, but you can fake being as pretty as other women if you wear restrictive underwear and remember to arch your back." And yet I wear it anyway, and far from making me feel prettier, it serves as a constant physical reminder that I'm not pretty enough.


So, that was Step One; Step Two, tomorrow, will be taking inventory of all my makeup and stuff, and at least estimating the total amount and cost of my clothing (including shoes... oh dear). I'll keep posting pics.

And Wednesday, the fun REALLY starts: timing how long getting ready takes me, what I use and (from Step Two) how much that stuff costs. I'll prolly take pics of myself, too, for examples of the "look" I like to don, for comparison with the modest clothing coming in January.

Thanks for reading, and I'd like to welcome all my new readers. Glad to have you!

1 comment:

  1. WOOHOO! Big step today, bet it was super hard and hard work. Keep it up and keep posting!
    from you biggest fan, Nöel