Warning: This Blog Post Is Mooshy

I apologize for being gone for so long. I've been struggling with how to write this post, because there are a lot of factors involved. However, if there's one thing I've learned from endless analysis it's that endless analysis is actually pretty useless. So I decided to just siddown and do this thang.

I've fallen in love.

The reason I've been hesitant about writing this post is that the object of this experiment was NOT to meet someone and fall head over heels for them-- in fact, it was to stop worrying so much about what people (and after the breakup with MF, men) would think of me if I wasn't dressed up.

Not only was I NOT trying to meet anyone, but I had committed to focusing on myself and school for awhile-- not in a self-improvement way, but I had decided to stop apologizing for who I am and just put it all out there. Hence, the recent blog posts being all hardcore. I decided, "The hell with what people think. I'm gonna be me, and I can control that (but not who I meet and whether it works out), so that's what I'm going to do and we'll see where I go."

And of course, that's when he showed up.

When we met, I was (of course) dressed modestly. When we went out, I was dressed modestly, and I don't know if it was the company or my attitude or the way I was dressed or what, but I wasn't posing or tense or trying to look prettier or worrying about any of that, like I usually do. In fact, we initially tried NOT to date and just be friends, cause there's some drama around him right now.

He told me that to him, this bare-faced, covered "me" was just what I looked like-- no big deal, just me. He read all my blog posts (I think he actually did read all of them) and told me that my commitment to shedding unnecessary entrapments was powerfully attractive to him.

When I finally showed him my hair, he confessed that he could see why some men felt as though a woman's hair was something only a husband should see. He said he felt special because he was allowed to see it, and touch it, and was honored that with him, I went around with my hair all sticking up unabashedly.

I'm at ease with him. We have fun just walking around downtown, or driving to and from our respective places, or making grilled cheese at 4AM. I love him deeply and respect him as a person, and I know he feels the same way about me. He loves what I'm trying to do with my work and is endlessly supportive, and calls me on my b.s. when I'm deluding myself. We communicate, we disagree, and I feel even more strongly myself with him in my life.

He's also an objectively "good" man. He's honest and has a good job; he pays his car insurance on time and calls his mom on Sundays and has spent a lot of time trying to be the best version of himself that he can be. He's fiercely loyal and yet lets me have my space, which is vital to me. He's gentle and respectful, but he rides a motorcycle and plays in a band. He reads more than I do, and he's both brilliant and funny.

This is us at the Plaza Theatre on Saturday:

Yes, we are goofy. I know. As usual, no makeup, hair covered, blah blah blah. He actually bought me that hat earlier that day.

I can't foretell the future, of course, but I can say that there's something deeply significant about the fact that I met this man when I took off all the masks and stopped trying to be what I thought someone else wanted. (Remember how hurt I was about this nonsense?).

This is also proof positive that-- and pay attention here--

I didn't need makeup and flat abs to meet someone amazing... and you might not either. In fact, it might be getting in your way.

Cause see, the thing is, this isn't about how I feel about him (which is, as I'm sure you can tell, quite strongly). It's about the fact that I met him while I was walking around as "naked" as I can be without getting arrested. I found him when I was the simplest version of myself, the most "me" I can be-- and that made an incredible man fall in love with me.


    yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay
    o yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay

    I had a feeling you were having too much fun to blog, and that's awesome! Blog with discretion, we your fans can't wait to hear more. YAY!

  2. I thought you might be happy for me :) I'm happy for you and Chuck! Yay for having too much fun to blog....

  3. I just saw your writeup on Salon. This is so cool! I love what you said here, too: "I can say that there's something deeply significant about the fact that I met this man when I took off all the masks and stopped trying to be what I thought someone else wanted." So, so true!

  4. Beautiful ;) I love what you did here and I love this post.